Bram Stoker wrote “Dracula” 126 years in the past — by hook or by crook, Hollywood continues to be screwing it up. 

There have already been two “Dreck-ulas” in 2023. Again in April came the unfunny “Renfield,” starring Nicolas Cage because the depend and Nicholas Hoult as his mistreated workman. 

And now, as though we haven’t been bitten plenty already, right here’s the untouched horror movie “The Last Voyage of the Demeter,” concerning the vamp’s not-so-pleasurable cruise to England.

As all the time, Dracula sucks blood. However his unedited film merely sucks.

Director André Øvredal’s uneven movie is based totally — as loosely as conceivable — at the captain’s plank from Stoker’s 1897 copy, concerning the doomed watery exit from Bulgaria to Whitby.

The film languished in building hell for years, and you have got to marvel why such a lot age and attempt got into it. 

Anyone with a kindergarten degree is aware of that the enjoy of observing Dracula progressively blast one sailor nearest any other in precisely the similar method enroute a medium-size vessel with just a few rooms would turn into mind-numbingly dull.

And, oh, has it ever. Øvredal makes an attempt to conquer the shortage of an engrossing plot through upping the gore, which has labored wonders for the “Evil Dead” films. However there’s refuse creativity or artfulness to this violence. The occasional bashed cranium earns a “So what?” 

Not anything about “Demeter” is horrifying, in reality, regardless of the million “He’s behind you!” jump-scares liberally tossed in.

The filmmakers additionally effort to spice up the concern issue through turning Dracula (Javier Botet) into an unclothed Gollum-like creature with grey pores and skin and bat wings (the Netflix order “Midnight Mass” did this in a miles smarter method). 

To start with look, we predict he’s a deadly legendary animal, close to the Mothman. However upcoming he whispers 4 phrases in English. So, one can best conclude that he’s an unpleasant, soft-spoken, cannibal nudist.

I’m now not announcing produce him Grandpa Munster, however Dracula can be extra compelling and bone-chilling as an absolutely discovered persona.

The seafarers that Batboy torments through evening come with Dr. Clemens (Corey Hawkins), stowaway Anna (Aisling Franciosi), Captain Elliot (Liam Cunningham) and primary deal Wojcheck (David Dastmalchian). 

Every one has a slight motivation for being there. Clemens is a worthy man who desires to earn a greenback; the captain plans to renounce to the coast nearest this crossing; Wojcheck will in the end inherit the Demeter; Joseph the chef (Jon Jon Briones) thinks that is punishment from God; and Anna is an worn buddy of Drac’s.

The actors do what they may be able to, enjoying cinematic stick figures. Cunningham comes off highest as a result of he brings the similar ethical authority that he did to Davos on “Game of Thrones.” 

The forged’s total hollowness is in large part the fault of Bragi Schut and Zak Olkewicz’s script — the characters’ blase perspective generation in danger is confounding. We’re two-thirds throughout the film and a number of other deaths in prior to any individual comes to a decision they will have to to find the monster accountable.

Um, yeah!

Firstly of the film, the Demeter is proven destroyed and washed ashore in England. So there’s, a minimum of, some solace in understanding that “The Last Voyage” is in reality the latter voyage.